First up, a genie joke.
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, “Nope … due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So … what’ll it be?”
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That’s what I wish for … a good mate.”
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “Let me see that fucking map!”
The Fitting Room: Om Pant ($98)
THE FIT: Oh so roomy. Oh so light and airy and roomy. Fantastic for a day that you’re feeling a little fluffy, like I was the night I tried these on. The high waist does great on muffin top patrol, and the baggy fit hides basically any part of your bottom half that you could be self conscious about. Unless you have cankles. Then you’re on your own. Sorry.
LENGTH: This was an awkward point with me. When left to hang at their natural length, they looked frumpy on me. However, once I let them scrunch above the calf, my opinion of these pants drastically improved.
POCKET SITUATION: No secret pockets in the waistband or anywhere, but there are the standard side pockets expected of casual pants. Given the thin fabric you will see the outline of whatever is in your pockets. They do not zip shut. Credit cards and loose cash, beware.
DETAILS: No huge details, these pants are pretty straightforward. What you see is what you get. Roomy pants with a foldover waist that are nice and airy for a hot day. The more I think about it, the more they make sense to have.
VERDICT: I didn’t hate them as much as I wanted to. They were indeed comfy AF. Am I really considering spending $$$ on poofy genie pants? I can’t believe it, but yes. A black pair is sitting in my shopping cart right now. WHO AM I?!